Introduction (: 00:06

Welcome to the Better Than Bitter Divorce Podcast, where we flip the script on divorce and show you how to have a more amicable divorce resolution. I'm your host, Tania Leichliter a divorce coach, a certified life coach, and the mastermind behind the Better Than Bitter five-step game plan course, where I help individuals build a pathway towards a more amicable divorce resolution.

Each week, I'll bring you uplifting stories from people who've successfully experienced amicable separations, proving that divorce doesn't have to be a battleground. Whether you're overwhelmed with grief, struggling with custody and co-parenting, or just dealing with a high-conflict individual, this podcast is here to guide you towards reclaiming your life and being what I know is possible, better than bitter.

Tania Leichliter (: 01:10

Welcome to day three of our five-day challenge from surviving to thriving, reclaiming you during divorce and beyond.

So many times when we are getting divorced, because we did not reach that till death do us part, we have this thought that we have failed. And today we are going to talk about recalibration and recalibrating ourselves towards growth and results. So as we do that, we are going to embrace this abundance mindset and we are going to reconnect with our authenticity.

So I welcome all of you to day three of surviving to thriving.

Marjorie Opendo (: 01:51

So we're going to start our day with recalibrating our mindset. We are going to then move into emotional growth, learning how to anchor in our truths, the power of setting intentions, and celebrating our progress, no matter how small they are. And we will

finish up our day by talking about the power of gratitude and emotional healing. I always like to start one of our days off with a little bit of a quote or a saying. So shifting our minds from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset will realign with your truth and help in building the foundation for a positive post-divorce identity.

Today, we're gonna recalibrate our minds towards growth, we're gonna embrace abundance, and we are gonna learn how to create meaningful results for our future. So I wanna just reflect a little bit on yesterday. What mindset do you feel has dominated your divorce journey so far? So again, that scarcity of...

or abundance mindset, the optimistic narrative and the pessimistic narrative. Today we're going to move into the discussion around scarcity and abundance in more depth.

how to organize your emotional room, beginning to be able to visualize the emotional clutter, visualize what that emotional clutter looks like to you, what it felt like to you, and then learning how one by one, piece by piece, beginning to fold

whatever those things are and begin to put them away and really allowing yourself to focus on acceptance and forgiveness. I say forgiveness is not about forgiving another person, but it's allowing yourself to forgive yourself to relieve that burden of resentment and anger so you can move forward towards a brighter future.

and create that emotional clarity for yourself.

So I want to talk about how to recalibrate your mindset. So a scarcity mindset, a scarcity mindset really focuses on lack, fear and limitations. Okay. It also leads to preoccupation with maintaining the status quo. So not growing, not building, just sitting in the status quo.

and completely doing whatever you can to avoid any type of loss. So an example of a scarcity mindset might be, I don't have enough time to deal with this or the energy to deal with this.

And if you have been sitting in a place of paralysis in terms of not being able to move your life forward and you continue to just do status quo, I want you to admit where your mind is right now because we are going to make some shifts today. the second type of mindset is an abundance mindset.

And people who have an abundance mindset really recognize the limitlessness of possibilities. I don't even know if that's a word limitlessness, but just they look at life through that lens of possibility. Divorce isn't about failure. It's about an opportunity to build a better life or build a new life or flip the script and move into a new chapter of your life.

It also encourages creating the life that you desire. If you believe you can have that life, you can have that life. But if you do not believe you can have that life, guess what the results you're going to get? You're not going to have that life. You have to allow for your body and your mind to believe that anything is possible and that every day you wake up saying that I will do this. This will happen.

instead of it won't and I can't. So it's very important to recognize where you are. So an example of an abundance mindset is I have the opportunity to create a new and fulfilling life post-divorce. Again, that I have the opportunity, Because you do. You have the opportunity to make changes in your life today and that is where I want you to begin today with me.

So why does it matter? Why does it matter in this time of divorce if we are coming from a place of scarcity or abundance? It's because of the scarcity mindset, it just keeps you stuck in your fears. It keeps you in these limiting belief systems. And it really fosters a lot of self-doubt, Because again, you don't believe that anything is possible.

and you'll do anything to avoid doing anything that's going to make changes in your life. So you just end up becoming in this status quo state. So another reason why it matters is that when your thoughts focus on what you lack, you create that resistance, that resistance to growth and healing. Think of yourself in a swimming pool.

Okay. And you know, when you're pushing through that water and it just, you feel that resistance, right? Well, think about that. So when you believe and have these thoughts that are super focused on what you lack, it's like moving through the water against resistance, right? And what we want to feel is like we're moving through the air. if your mindset,

is the life of possibilities, it will feel like you're moving through air versus the water. So the abundance mindset makes you see that opportunities are going to be available to you if you have clarity around what you want them to be. And the possibilities, although it could be difficult, they're still possible. You just have to put in the work. So no matter what it is,

that you're fearful of. If you put your energy into it and you learn how to ride those waves of fear versus allowing them to crash down on top of you, that is the beginning stage of moving your life forward. So it fosters this sense of resilience and creativity and empowerment. So this abundance mindset is where we want to train our brains to be.

So part of this all is about your truth versus the truth. And I really kind of love this dichotomy of thought. So in your truth, you tell yourself stories and you create narratives in your brain that you ruminate over and they repeat, then repeat, and you begin to believe that they're true. So an example of this is something like your truth could be

My ex ruined my life and he blames me for his unhappiness. Okay, that might be a statement. But guess what? My ex ruined my life. That is just a story or belief you're creating for yourself. Do you want to give them the power to ruin your life? You can think that they've ruined your life, but again, that is just your truth. They didn't necessarily ruin your life. They might have done something.

that made you think that it created chaos for you, that then created a feeling of depression, sadness, anger, and resentment, but yet again, they didn't ruin your life, Unless you've let them ruin it. So again, if you're gonna allow for them to ruin your life, that's on you. So your truth is a story and belief that you've created for yourself and you're the truth.

is the objective fact, right? So the objective fact is my soon-to-be ex filed for divorce. I did not know that was coming. And we have a hearing date on this date and time. Those are the facts. The fact is someone might've filed, someone might've had an affair, or might have set a hearing date.

somebody might have moved out of the house, those are all facts. And then the stories that you tell yourself as to the whys or the hows, those are stories and beliefs that you're creating for yourself. So you have choices, you have choices on what you wanna believe and how you want those beliefs to make you feel, right? And you also have the choice to not go there.

Okay, you can change that story. You can change that belief. And until you have proof, is it true? As we talked about yesterday, do I know that it's absolutely true? So what are you making your own truth? And how is that affecting how you wake up and feel every single day?

So why does this all matter? It matters a lot because your emotions and past experiences can really cloud your judgment and it can make you feel like facts, like your fears are actually facts when they're not. The truth is often so much more empowering than your own thoughts. Okay, if you stick to the truths,

It allows for more possibilities to come into your life. Just sticking to the facts. The truth is where you want to end up because you get to create the stories by which you want to tell in order to bring your life to the place you want it to be. So by reframing your perspective, your perception to focus on what is real.

And then you begin to shift your mindset from that limitation to opportunity. Okay, limitation to opportunity when you begin to flip that script in your own mind. So having that level of self-awareness and reflection will help you align your mindset with this abundance and authenticity of where you believe you want your life to be. Again, if you believe in your possibilities, your possibilities will become reality.

But as soon as you start squashing your own thoughts around what could be in a better, brighter place, you're not going to ever get there because you honestly don't believe it yourself. You have to believe it yourself first for any of this to happen for you. So positive intentions, having self-compassion can lead to clarity and growth. Remember, we talked a little bit about self-compassion before. So what does self-compassion mean? It is that self-talk.

that you have every single and the good way to remember this is as you're talking to yourself, ask yourself, would I talk to a friend like this? Okay, when I tell them that they suck, when I tell them that they are unattractive, when I tell them that they're worthless, no, you would never tell a friend that. So stop beating yourself up.

Stop having that negative self-talk and begin to focus on the good that you bring to the world. Okay? And I really, really want you to be thinking about how you can be your own best friend in this process.

All right, so we're gonna move into an exercise. All right, so we're gonna have three different columns. One is, column one is your scarcity thought. Number two is the truth, which is the fact, the circumstances. And number three is your abundance reframe. Okay, so three different columns. One, the scarcity thought.

Two is the truth, the fact, And column number three is how can we reframe what we're thinking in an abundance way? Okay? So in column number one, I want you to write down any thoughts or beliefs that's really rooted in that fear, rooted in that limitation. Like, I don't have what it takes to rebuild my life.

Okay, that's a more general statement. It can be more specific. It can say, I don't have the skills to get a job. Okay, that could be something that you would put down there if it's, if livelihood is something that you're concerned about. So your scarcity thoughts are really kind of rooted in fear. Then in column number two, I want you to write the truth.

So I want you to kind of challenge that scarcity thought with an objective truth. So the second part of this is kind of like, I've already taken steps to heal and grow, and I can continue to build on that progress. So again, you've taken specific steps. I went and...

put my resume together, okay? That is something that you put together if the scarcity thought is I don't have the skills to get another job. The truth is I put what I have done and what I can do on paper, right? That's a truth. went and put it out there. And you can, again,

highlight that in your truths. If the fear is livelihood, write down what you do have, and what you have done. I love this exercise because I work with a lot of people who might have not worked and have raised their children. And so they don't believe they have the skills to do a job. I'm just going to throw these things out there. What have they been doing? They have been taking care of children. Guess what? There's an amazing skill around that.

guess what, they pay a lot of money to people who are babysitters and nannies. They have been being household managers, whether that is cooking or, you know, doing all the bills, or maybe they have been going food shopping. Maybe they've been doing activity management. So calendars and scheduling, all of those things are people that other people pay people to do.

Maybe you have elderly parents. Maybe you've had to be a caretaker. Maybe you've had to do a ton of figuring out where to put your older parents and maybe they've had some health issues. Well, guess what? There's a whole industry around care consulting that you could be doing. So again, that scarcity thought is like, haven't been in the workforce for however many years. That is a truth, but that you don't have any skills.

to be in the workforce, guess what? That's just a scarcity thought. So how can we reframe? How can we reframe our thinking to be rooted in that truth with the possibilities, right? So the truth is I have been doing, I have been, you know, driving children around in carpooling for the last 15 years. and

I believe that I could get a job being a driver for kids after school when they need to be carpooled around. Like I could offer my services to help others. I could be a mother's helper. I could do people's bills. I have been doing our family taxes for 10 years. Guess what? I could go ahead and do the taxes. So again, you take that scarcity thought, you think about what the truth is, what are my skills?

And then you reframe that and transform that into an empowerment abundance focus statement. I have these specific skills that I know I can turn around and apply to these types of jobs that again maybe you don't even need to apply for through like and indeed. Meanwhile, it's a whole entrepreneurial thing that you could be starting. So again,

It's just going from that scarcity thought figuring out where the truth is and then flipping the script on that to create that empowerment statement around what you really thought you were lacking and now you realize you have. So this is something that I don't want you to just do one on. I want you when you go home tonight to go ahead and I want you to do at least three to four of these because again, this is something that I just want to become a habit for you.

When your mind starts to ruminate over a scarcity thought, I want you to be able to, in your head or in your journal, be able to get down to the truth, flip that script, and get that abundance reframe done for yourself.

And you can do it every day, kind of drink your coffee or tea in the morning and get out a couple of these different scarcity, truth, abundance, reframe things. So you can start your day in a good place, in a place of abundance.

So reflection, want everybody to just close their eyes for me. Okay, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to think about what it would feel like if your day could be replaced with abundance thoughts instead of everyday thinking through this lens of scarcity.

Close your eyes and envision what it might feel like for you to have these abundance thoughts flowing through your mind every day. And think about how much more energy you would have. Think about how much more excitement you would have in your day. Think about how you would approach challenges and obstacles if you could come forward with this abundance mindset.

So again, close your eyes and really envision what that would feel like.

I want you to do that when you wake up every morning, every morning again, before you even get out of bed. I just want you to spend that extra minute with your eyes closed, feeling what it would feel like for you to move yourself from that scarcity mindset to that abundance mindset and how your day would feel so much better.

So I want you to make sure that you're doing this because again, it is just a form of very miniscule meditation that you're coming up with an empowerment statement and how you want your body to feel moving through your day every single day. And this is a great way for you to do it. So the next section we're going to talk about is this emotional growth and anchoring in the truth.

Emotional growth is aligning with your truth, but not reading into the reactions to these temporary feelings. Okay, so as you know, divorce is stirring up so many overwhelming emotions. So every day I know you are just feeling so overwhelmed and that you just can't even feel like you're crawling out from under that couch. I get it. So much weight is on you and it's so easy.

to move into these negative thought patterns that just ruminating, ruminating, ruminating. But we're going to start our day a little differently tomorrow than we started it today. And you're going to envision what it would feel like to not have those negative thought patterns. You are going to envision what it would feel like to be able to reframe some of your thinking into this abundance framework and how that is going to make you feel and how that

air is going to be so much easier to push through versus that water, right? That water is so has so much resistance. And I want you to start your day feeling like you can move through that air. So by recognizing and understanding your emotions that you're having, it helps you manage them in a healthier way. Again, because your emotions and your feelings don't come from the facts in your life from the truth, they come from your truth, they come from your thoughts.

And that's what's creating that feeling. And once we begin to reframe our thinking to that abundance lens, our feelings and emotions are gonna lighten up and we're gonna be able to feel freer, to be able to have better actions and reactions and behaviors in our lives. So anchoring yourself in the truth, not your truth, it creates a more emotionally stable world for you.

in this very uncertain time because again, you can't control all of the outcomes right now and there's going to be a lot of unknowns and there's going to be a lot of uncertainty. So I want you to make sure that you are rooted in the truth and not in your truths because the stories and beliefs that you're creating is what is making you feel so weighted down. Okay.

So setting some positive intentions, and shifting this focus from fear to empowerment is going to be very important. And also just celebrating some small wins and we're going to go into that in more detail.

So one of the things I want to ask, have you asked yourself again is, is this thought my truth or the truth? So that's just a simple statement that I want you to challenge yourself every day when that ruminating thoughts going through your head. Wait, is this my truth? Is this a story I'm telling myself or is it the truth? Can I absolutely know that it's true? Is it a fact? Is it a circumstance?

If somebody says something to you, that's a fact. If someone says, I am not going to pay you child support, and that came out of their mouth in quotes, that's a fact because it came out of their mouth. Now, if somebody says something to the fact that I don't...

We had a discussion and what I understood was that it sounded like he said that he wasn't going to pay me child support. Well, did he tell you he wasn't paying child support or did you infer or did you interpret whatever came out of their mouth as no child support is going to be given? Again, you have to catch yourself because I hear people saying a lot is they never or they always. I want you to catch yourself on those statements.

Do they always or is it never or is it just maybe sometimes? because again, we get so caught up in some of those words and I want you to be able to ask yourself, is that the truth, or is it just my truth? Is the story and belief? Because if you're using always and never's in your discussion with others on how you are managing what you're doing right now,

You know, they never helped with the kids. Did they really never help with the kids or did they not help with the kids as much as you wanted them to help with the kids? You know, did they help with the kids? Two out of 10 asks. that could be a truth. your truth is they never helped with the kids. again, unless you have concrete evidence that no help was ever given.

It just becomes your truth. So redirecting unhelpful thoughts towards more reality-based empowerment perspectives is going to really help you turn things around for you, especially as you move into this legal process. Again, if you are able to retrain your brain and you begin to negotiate the most difficult business negotiation you ever have,

negotiated, if you are able to reframe, if you are able to differentiate between the truth and your truth, you are going to save yourself a lot of money and legal fees, because your truths really are going to not have much of a place in the court of law or in your ability to negotiate again, because they're emotional thoughts. And emotional thoughts don't actually achieve really

good behaviors, actions, or reactions. They usually come from a place of irrational thinking. And we want to encourage you as you move into your legal process that you do things that are not reactive. And when you do feel reactive, you get to push the pause button and just say, you know what, we're gonna have to reconvene when I am able to just take a deep breath.

and calm my body. And can we just wrap this up? getting really emotional and I'm not going to be able to think rationally right now. It is 100 % okay for you to say that. Because you're once again drawing some awareness into your thinking that you're floating into your truth and not focused on the truth. And it's not a good time to negotiate when you do that.

So allow yourself that space. Make sure you know that you can always press pause. you're in mediation and you begin to get worked up, you can press that pause button and just ask to reconvene at a later time when you can allow for yourself to just calm your body and get back into your prefrontal cortex where that reasonable logical rational thinking is going to take place. So why does this matter? Well, it just matters because you want to break free from this negative loop.

Okay, because if you're constantly repeating and ruminating and you've got this negative thought pattern and it's like destroying your brain right now, you need to get control over it. You need to be able to understand how to do that, and how to regain control. And it's really just that scarcity, the truth abundance reframe that will get you to this place that will allow for you to be more rational and logical and your thinking and behaving.

So it also just allows you to respond better with more resilience to all of life's challenges. And this is like good for post-divorce too. It's just gonna make you a better person if you can respond and act in these kinds of ways.

All right, so here's our next exercise. Everybody close your eyes. Close your eyes and imagine your future self thriving. I want you to close your eyes and think of yourself thriving in abundance. And abundance doesn't necessarily have to be wealth. It's just abundance in love and life.

and you're feeling really good and the energies around you are positive. You see the people around you who you do love and you do care for and they are feeling happy and fulfilled and you get to see them experience joy and you're experiencing joy. Close your eyes and imagine what this life would feel like for you. What do you see in that life?

Who do you see? What are your surroundings look like for you? How do you feel when you're in those surroundings with certain people who are surrounding you and having joyful experiences? How does that make you feel? Where do you feel it in your body? Does your body feel hot? Does it feel cold? Like what are the temperatures? What are the textures? What are the vibrations in your body that you feel?

when you see yourself and you can imagine yourself thriving in abundance.

Okay.

So open your eyes. So you have this really amazing visual and you sense it. It's in your body now. You know what that's gonna feel like.

So the last thing in this specific exercise is writing down one thought that you had today. And then I want you to rewrite it by separating your emotion from the truth, maybe the feeling from the fact.

this is more just the thought about today, because a lot of this is hard to do. And now you're having to retrain your mind, retrain your thinking. And I want you to have this one thought that might have come based on what you're hearing today, not necessarily about your divorce, but just about today's work. And then I want you to rewrite it.

So you can separate that feeling from what the truth is just as an exercise.

So next is the power of setting intentions. So an intention is really a guiding principle for how you want to show up in your life. So regardless of the external circumstances, so regardless of what's happening to you right now on the outside, the intention is a guiding principle for yourself on how you want to show up for your life.

So when you set a clear intention, you create a roadmap. You create a roadmap for your actions and your mindset. So intentions are keeping you super focused on the growth. It's super focused on resilience and super focused on self-compassion. We talked about self-compassion, the self-talk that you're gonna have. They also help you respond to challenges. So very proactively versus reactively.

so it kind of goes along with your mindset shifts when you align your daily actions with your long-term goals. So when you show up, you know, for yourself every day and you're doing specific things and you have some long-term goals that we're setting for this beautiful abundance vision that we have, it's a checkpoint. It's a checkpoint.

Am I doing this today that's going to get me to the outcome I'm looking for? So it's a good checkbox checking because if you should, if something happens and you act, behave or react, in a way that's not aligned with that future goal, right? Then you're going against your intentions. The intention is to get to the result and therefore you're doing a check.

with yourself to say like, God, I just completely lost it today. I was not thinking clearly. think I just blew up. I didn't give myself the space that I needed. I didn't press that pause button. And so again, the intention of showing up in a certain way, you didn't end up doing that, which then kind of shifted yourself away from getting to that goal. So unless you have some intentions set,

it's hard to do that check and balance. it helps you just stay grounded in your values and stay grounded in your vision. So instead of feeling powerless on this divorce journey, you're just taking a more active role in shaping your experience, by having some very specific intentions. All right. So let's do a little bit of this work. So I want you to set.

and meaningful intention for your future. An example would be, intend to approach my divorce process with clarity, compassion, and focus on growth. And of course, that's a big thing to swallow. You could just say one. one meaningful intention for my future is I intend to...

Continue to talk to myself the way I would talk to my friend. I want to show up every day with self-compassion. That would be a really great intention. I want to show up when I...

Allow for myself to focus on my children in terms of creating a child-centered conversation or actions. So every time you're talking to your soon-to-be ex and you know that you really have an intent on doing what's best for your children, creating friction.

or maybe disparaging your ex in front of your children or doing things that you might feel spiteful, resentful, or angry about something, but in the way that you communicate it is going to cause tension and friction, and therefore the co-parenting experience is not going to be positive and therefore the only people that are going to suffer from that are your children.

So again, writing a meaningful intention around how you want to show up in that co-parenting relationship is going to be really important. So want you to reflect on these intentions.

and list three ways you can bring it into daily life. I can set an intention with a focus on growth. Three ways I can bring that into my daily life is that I'm going to meditate every morning for, 10 minutes.

I, I'm committed to doing the work, I am committed to teaching myself.

X, Y, and Z because guess what? You don't have to go back to school for everything. If you don't know a skill, guess what? You can go on YouTube. I mean, there is a million ways to gain a skill set. focusing on growth could just be gaining a skill, learning to do something you had didn't know what to do. So again, find your intention. And then I want you to write down three ways you can bring it into your daily life. So the last thing is this journal prompt.

So want you to be thinking about is what is one fear that is holding you back? What is one fear that is holding you back right now? And how can you reframe it to become much more of an empowerment intention? Okay. So for instance, I have financial fear of my, for my future and reframing it is I am going to set an intent

with a focus on growth, where I am committed to learning X, Y, and Z over the course of the next six weeks by doing ABC. Okay? You're gonna teach yourself how to do something that is going to make you grow. It's going to make you learn. It's gonna make you feel more confident that you do have the skillset to be able to get something done that will create income for you. Okay? These are just really simple ways that you can turn intentions

into empowering opportunities for you.

So the last piece here is just celebrating progress no matter how small. big things just don't happen overnight. So you have to appreciate the small steps. So every day you're doing little things, okay? We're slowly uncluttering our room, right? We're slowly tackling one little thing at a time. We're changing our mindset. We're moving from scarcity to abundance. These are all small steps.

And even if you catch yourself once during the day just once, okay, that allows for you to you to take that really small step. Okay. Like I said, one little switch from scarcity to abundance pat yourself on the back and be like, yes, high five, high ten to me.

Right? I did that. I'm going to celebrate that moment because I really did have a moment in my mind that I flipped the script and you just have to really recognize that and pat yourself on the back. So want you to recognize and celebrate the small wins, reinforcing these better habits, building confidence and motivation that you can do this. Small actions will lead to big changes over time.

Think about it, if you have 30 days in a month and every single day you do one small thing, you in the course of a month will have made 30 changes, 30 small changes. That's huge. So that leads to big changes over time. If all those small little things then become habits, then you are continuing to grow. And you will thrive if you continue to do these small things every day. So focus on your progress.

rather than perfection, because guess what? We're not going to all day do everything. We're not going to have every single thought in our mind is going to be coming from an abundance mindset. We all have a million thoughts that go through our heads every single day. But if you focus on the progress you are making versus the things that you're not doing, I think that you'll feel a lot better about your day. It will also help really reduce your stress and self-doubt. know that in divorce, especially when you begin to

gather up all your finances, especially if you're not the one who had ownership over them, it can be really, really overwhelming. And again, you can put yourself into a real tizzy around it. And so instead of thinking about all the things that you're not doing, I just want you to take small steps and do one little thing at a time. We have a great divorce checklist that if you go to betterthanbitter.coach,

We have a bunch of free different downloads that you can do some PDF downloads that are available. The divorce checklist is one that we do have available. the sign up for that is on most of our resource blogs. They have a big thing at the bottom. It says PDF downloads and we have a bunch of them. So you can

Put your name in there and we send you all those. We have a lot of free resources, other webinars on our website as well. So again, focus on the progress, focus on the little things, pat yourself on the back. Think about that in one month, you've done 30 small little things. So one little thing a day really will make you feel better, have a lot more confidence and feel empowered that you can take on anything.

So again, even the smallest victories why it matters because as you're moving forward, no matter how slow it is, as long as you're doing one thing at a time, you can see yourself, you can see that path, you're building that pathway to a more amicable resolution and you're taking back yourself. And that's what the most important thing is, is that you're not avoiding, you're taking ownership, you're moving your life forward and you're doing one small thing at a time and you're giving yourself credit for it.

I just want you to do one small action a day and you have to make a commitment to yourself. I will schedule time to see or reach out to a supportive friend and make sure you make that commitment to yourself. if you're a little further on in the process and you know you're getting divorced, the papers have been served, but you have yet to start even

thinking about mediators or attorneys. You know, one small step is I'm gonna join one of the Vesta Divorce Concierge webinars that has all the different types of divorce professionals on mortgages and real estate and certified divorce financial analysts and mediators. Maybe you attend one of those workshops. Maybe you actually call one of the Vesta Divorce Concierges and have a conversation.

making sure that you're scheduling time. It doesn't mean you have to go out there tomorrow and go hire a mediator, go hire a lawyer, but you're just gathering information and that takes time. so don't feel like everything has to happen all at once. And then I want you to write down three small wins from last week. So you committed, to doing something and you did it. You got to check that off your list. And how good did that feel again?

Didn't that make you feel proud? What were the feelings when you were able to cross that thing off your list? Now, some people aren't list people, but if you're not a physical list person, I bet you have a million things in your brain. So whatever you need to do to give you that, you know, star quality that you did something, do that. Have some sort of reward system for yourself so you feel that you are keeping track of all of the small things that you're doing every day.

So one of the journaling prompts for you today is what's one step you can take today that will make your future self say thank you. So what's one step you can take today that will make your future self say thank you?

so this one's just going to be really quick. It's the last portion of this is just about gratitude. And we've talked about patting yourself in the back. We've talked about waking up in the morning and having that visualization of what that joyful life of abundance is going to feel like. So what I really want from all of you is I want you to make sure that you are giving gratitude to everything in your life that is good. and really.

waking up in the morning and saying the simplest things is like, love what my sheets feel like. I feel so good in my laying on my pillow. My dog is on the foot of my bed. I'm so grateful for the fact that I have this warm little fuzzy animal who sleeps with me. I'm so grateful for that hot cup of coffee that's sitting for me, sitting waiting for me in the kitchen. Little tiny things of gratitude.

If you have gas in your car, you can be grateful for the fact that your car is full of gas. I don't care what it is. It's the things that we forget to give gratitude for are the things that I want you to focus in on all of the things that you just don't even think of. They just you take them for granted. I want you to actually have gratitude for them and I want you to say them out loud or say them in your head or put them in your journal.

Recognizing the good in your life will help you build resilience and inner peace because not everything is bad in our lives. And I know right now you feel so overwhelmed with just things that don't feel good. So I want you to really focus on some things that do feel good.

Again, it's because in doing this, really shifts to this place of healing. It shifts to a place of building confidence, recognizing the good in your life, and it makes the space for these new opportunities. So this is a very similar exercise. I want you to write down three things that you're grateful for today. I'm grateful for my support network. I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to rebuild myself.

Again, I'm grateful for the warm bed I'm sleeping in. Anything you're grateful for, I want you to write three things today, and I don't want you to stop writing three things forever. I want you every day to be able to give gratitude for the good. And even if you're not writing them down and you're just saying them out loud or saying them in your head, it's just the process of getting those things.

out there and just being able to remember that there's good in your life. Then I want you to reflect on a difficult experience that taught you something valuable. so outside of divorce, I want you to think about something else that's happened in your life. And when you were in that experience, I'm sure it was really challenging. And then you look back at that experience five years, and I want you to think about what it taught you. And what did you gain from that?

I love the experience of, you know, if you ever played sports when you were young and you had some real tipping point and something happened, right? And you reflect back on that loss, you know, that happened during that game. And you can really reflect on what you might've gained from it because maybe you were a team that never lost that season. And it was.

the finals and you ended up losing in the finals. So that taught you a valuable lesson, right? You gained something from that because you're not always going to win. And that's really important to really be able to reflect on those pivotal times in your life, all those difficult times in your life. And then looking back at that time and thinking about what you learned from that experience, you're going to learn the same thing about divorce five years from now when your divorce is done.

you're going to reflect back at this time and you're going to be like, wow, like, I can't believe I got through that. And this is what I learned from it. And everybody that I know who has gotten divorced will say that. And the other thing that everybody that I know says, the fact that I, when I tell them I'm a divorce coach, they're like, my gosh, I wish I had a coach. where were you when I needed you? because a lot of people just,

don't believe that the investment in coaching is something they can afford right now. But I do have to say that it ends up saving you a lot of money in lawyers fees. And it also saves you from a lot of long lasting emotional trauma for you and your kids. If you can get a handle on everything that I'm teaching today and you learn how to make this just second nature to yourself, you will save yourself money in the...

with lawyers and you definitely will save yourself a lot of suffering. So the journaling prompt for today is how does gratitude shift your emotions when you're feeling stuck? So we're at the very end here, just a little bit of a reflection of what we want to remember.

Recalibrating your mindset is about shifting fear to possibility from scarcity to abundance. It's a process of becoming intentional about your thoughts and aligning your actions with the you that you want to create. And remember that every single small step is towards growth and every little step towards growth will bring you closer to your authentic self, your empowered self.

Tania Leichliter (: 45:47

Thanks for tuning in to Better Than Bitter, navigating an amicable divorce. Whether you are at the beginning of your divorce journey, midway through, or even done, we want the stories from our guests to give you hope that an amicable resolution is possible. If you'd like to dive deeper into today's episode, check out our show notes for a full transcript, reflections, and links to learn more about Better Than Bitter's coaching courses,

and how to connect with our fabulous guests. If you're ready for more support, you can head over to betterthanbitter.coach. Daily, you'll find details and additional information on our five-step game plan multimedia course, our one-to-one Zoom coaching, group coaching, monthly memberships, events and retreats, and a whole lot more. Plus, we've got a ton of free resources, like our monthly newsletter,

our private Facebook group, Instagram channel, and a library of articles and free webinars to help you along the way. When you go to our website, you'll be able to schedule a free 45-minute breakthrough call. Remember, we're here to help you reach an amicable resolution. Find your courage and believe in your brighter future because you know what? It is possible.

At Better Than Bitter, we measure success by what we give and not by what we get. So let's change the divorce dialogue together. It's time to be better than bitter.