Introduction (: 00:06

Welcome to the Better Than Bitter Divorce Podcast, where we flip the script on divorce and show you how to have a more amicable divorce resolution. I'm your host, Tania Leichliter a divorce coach, a certified life coach, and the mastermind behind the Better Than Bitter five-step game plan course, where I help individuals build a pathway towards a more amicable divorce resolution.

Each week, I'll bring you uplifting stories from people who've successfully experienced amicable separations, proving that divorce doesn't have to be a battleground. Whether you're overwhelmed with grief, struggling with custody and co-parenting, or just dealing with a high conflict individual, this podcast is here to guide you towards reclaiming your life and being what I know is possible, better than bitter.

Tania Leichliter (: 01:12

Welcome to episode number 43 of the Better Than Bitter podcast.

Tania Leichliter (: 01:16

Welcome to the What If series. today's episode is about the co-parenting scheduling crisis, what if your ex suddenly wants to change the custody schedule that you worked so hard to create during your agreement? This scenario comes up over and over again,

with many of you because it happens and things change and sometimes you just need to be flexible but this is what you need to know. Document everything, keep the records of current schedules, and all of the changes that your ex is asking for.

Right? Because at the end of the day, the kids need to become first. And sometimes being flexible with your custody schedule is the right thing for you to be doing. But you want to make sure that the changes that you're making benefit them. But in addition, they're creating flexibility between you and your co-parent, because at some point, you are going to need some flexibility, and therefore being flexible is going to be the best way for you to stay amicable.

And you want to make sure you're communicating through proper channels.

So if you have decided to use our Family Wizard as a communication tool, which is a parenting app, or maybe you're using text or maybe you're using email or maybe you're using phone, but being able to really define how you're going to communicate the changes and how you're going to be able to solidify and check for understanding that the changes have been approved by both parties.

You do need to know when to get a mediator involved. If there is one spouse who continues to ask for the changes, then maybe you need to go back to the drawing board. Maybe what you had agreed to is just not working now. Maybe it's been a couple of years, and you need to be able to make some more permanent changes because your work schedule has changed, or the kids' schedules have changed, and it doesn't map to your work schedule. That's okay.

Be flexible, be open, because again, your kids are what matter. The key is to be able to respond thoughtfully, not reactively. If you're finding your blood is boiling each time they ask for a change in the schedule, make sure you're checking in with yourself.

Make sure that you're allowing yourself to calm down and press the pause button before you react. You might be annoyed, you might be frustrated, but at the end of the day, you might also not be thinking logically or rationally. Maybe your prefrontal cortex hasn't had a chance to begin to be utilized. Maybe you've got that fight, flight, or freeze mentality, and you need to calm your body before you respond. That is very, very important.

Get yourself in the right state of mind, calm your body, and think more rationally about what they're asking for. If you think about it, maybe it would benefit you, too. So make sure you're thinking through what they're asking before you begin to be reactive.

Some changes really do improve everybody's situation. Just because they're asking for a change doesn't mean that they're the bad guy, Because you need to stay flexible because you're gonna need flexibility. You wanna make sure that you're still a team. You're both parenting these children. And sometimes that just requires...

a level of flexibility that wasn't built into the original agreement. But what has most likely been built into the original agreement is how you are going to ask for changes. What way are you going to communicate in terms of what you need?

What's the expectation that the other person responds in what manner? And if the rules of engagement haven't been set, then maybe you need to set those rules of engagement so you can work more fluidly together, so you can work more amicably together. Because if it's not working for you the way that it's happening, maybe they're asking too close to the time that the schedule change needs to happen. So maybe you need to build in some parameters in terms of when those asks need to take place.

Tania Leichliter (: 05:20

If these types of what-if scenarios are resonating with you, then continue to tune in, and we will be going through many more of these scenarios. For more information about co-parenting, as well as so many other scenarios we will be touching on in weeks to come, please make sure you visit us at betterthanbitter.coach, where you can subscribe to our support group membership plus program. As part of our support group that meets every single week,

We also have a library of resources for you. Mini courses, webinars, workshops, and special articles are all dedicated to helping you during your divorce process and beyond. or you can subscribe to our YouTube channel Better Than Bitter Divorce

Tania Leichliter (: 06:07

Thanks for tuning in to Better Than Bitter, navigating an amicable divorce. Whether you are at the beginning of your divorce journey, midway through, or even done, we want the stories from our guests to give you hope that an amicable resolution is possible. If you'd like to dive deeper into today's episode, check out our show notes for a full transcript, reflections, and links to learn more about Better Than Bitter's coaching courses,

and how to connect with our fabulous guests. If you're ready for more support, you can head over to betterthanbitter.coach. Daily, you'll find details and additional information on our five-step game plan multimedia course, our one-to-one Zoom coaching, group coaching, monthly memberships, events and retreats, and a whole lot more. Plus, we've got a ton of free resources, like our monthly newsletter,

our private Facebook group, Instagram channel, and a library of articles and free webinars to help you along the way. When you go to our website, you'll be able to schedule a free 45-minute breakthrough call. Remember, we're here to help you reach an amicable resolution. Find your courage and believe in your brighter future because you know what? It is possible.

At Better Than Bitter, we measure success by what we give and not by what we get. So let's change the divorce dialogue together. It's time to be better than bitter.