Introduction (: 00:06

Welcome to the Better Than Bitter Divorce Podcast, where we flip the script on divorce and show you how to have a more amicable divorce resolution. I'm your host, Tania Leichliter a divorce coach, a certified life coach, and the mastermind behind the Better Than Bitter five-step game plan course, where I help individuals build a pathway towards a more amicable divorce resolution.

Each week, I'll bring you uplifting stories from people who've successfully experienced amicable separations, proving that divorce doesn't have to be a battleground. Whether you're overwhelmed with grief, struggling with custody and co-parenting, or just dealing with a high-conflict individual, this podcast is here to guide you towards reclaiming your life and being what I know is possible, better than bitter.

Tania Leichliter (: 01:00

Welcome to episode number 47 of the Better Than Bitter podcast, The Other Woman. So many of us who are getting divorced have to deal with our exes or soon-to-be exes' other person, whether our soon-to-be ex has had an affair or maybe they started dating somebody during separation, or maybe you have started dating somebody yourself who has an ex

wife or an ex-husband. And so many times, there is so much anger and bitterness and resentment that has built up in your marriage that even post the divorce agreement, you are holding on to that. Well, I just wanted to just allow some insight into that anger, resentment, and bitterness that you might be feeling towards not only your ex-spouse,

But that other individual who is now part of your ex's life. And the insight is that the only person who's going to suffer if you hold on to that bitterness, anger, and resentment is you. You could actually hold on to that for the rest of your life and allow for that discomfort to be there. I'm not asking you to forgive somebody's actions.

What I am asking you to forgive is yourself. Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to feel that bitterness, that resentment, that anger that you are holding onto. Because the place everyone wants to get to is a place of acceptance. Now, in that divorce process, acceptance means yes, I'm getting divorced.

But in a post-divorce environment, you have to reach a place of acceptance that people are just going to move on. And moving on means allowing yourself to just let it go. Let it go. And so I wanted to take the opportunity to tell you a few stories today because I had an amazing week last week.

not only how I personally have been able to let it go, but how I have been able to influence other people in my boyfriend's life, his ex-spouse, or my ex-spouse's new girlfriend. It's how we embrace the fact that, listen, we all have children.

And we all have children that we cherish, and we want our children to feel adjusted. And in order to do that in a healthy way, you need to be the adult in the room. I am strongly telling you to let it go. You just have to let it go. So, I'll tell you a story. So I am dating somebody who has an ex-wife.

They were married for a very long time. They have beautiful older children. And when they got divorced, they pretty much shut each other out of each other's families. So although the daughters or the sons are, of course, the glue between the two families,

Each of them didn't get a chance to spend time with the other person's family, which they had enjoyed for many, many years. And there was a situation where a family member passed, and there was an opportunity for his ex-spouse to come to the gathering, the celebration of life. And since I've been dating him, I have been trying to work

on the amicability between him and his ex because at the end of the day, whatever happened in their marriage happened, and the new chapter is a chance for a new beginning. being able to just allow for that bitterness to melt away and for them to continue to celebrate what is beautiful between them, that is, their children.

And to be amicable means that it creates comfort for your children. Your children deserve to feel comfortable around their parents. And there are going to be times, whether they're occasions, birthdays, graduations, funerals, where coming together for the sake of the family is important. And being able to show your children that you are adults who can allow

for whatever happened to just be water under the bridge and to be able to form a new partnership for the sake of the children. You can evolve into a new partnership, and it is up to you how you want that partnership to feel. And my boyfriend's ex-wife, I was able to meet her before the event, just because we knew we were gonna be meeting. She was lovely. I enjoyed her.

And at the event, she hadn't seen those people in a very long time, like five years. And they were her family. And just being there brought her to an emotional place where she thanked me for being supportive of an amicable relationship, one that is a children-first perspective.

And that just being there and being able to share these experiences with their children together, to be able to recognize that even though you are divorcing that individual, it does not mean that you have to divorce the family. I still keep in touch with my ex's family, but he had to set the stage for that. He had to tell his family that there were no sides to be taken and that I was always going to be the mother of our children, and that they should continue to embrace me as the mother of our children. No matter who he is with in the future, it doesn't discount the fact that I'm still connected to their family, and he is to mine. And, my ex definitely still has a relationship.

with my family. He communicates with them by text, by email, and even by phone in some instances. They are his family, and I don't want to prevent him from having a relationship with them because the only people that's going to be hurt are our children. And they need to see good modeling. They deserve that good modeling. The other example is that

My son was heading off to college, and we went over to my ex's house to have dinner. It was me, his girlfriend, and my son, and it was really nice to see that

There is a relationship that she's building with my children because at the end of the day, anybody who loves your children is good love to have. Meaning that the more people who love your kids, the better, right? More positive role models in their lives. Now, some of you might be saying, My ex is not dating anybody that I would want to be a role model or would want to be in my children's life. And I get that.

Not everybody is going to live up to your standards. But at the end of the day, you're staying bitter and angry at your ex-spouse; the only thing that's going to hurt is you, okay? Because it doesn't feel good to have discomfort. You are making it uncomfortable. That is your choice to make it uncomfortable. Even if they are not so willing to have open arms.

It's how you engage in every engagement possible. So if you set the stage of discomfort, they're going to feel that vibe. If you set the stage for comfort and ⁓ are more approachable, then you're setting that stage to be approached. So again, the onus is on you. Let it go.

Try to move forward in a way that is going to be good for your children. And remember that the more people who love your kids, the better. It doesn't feel good to push people out of your children's lives or for them to see that there's discord. They want to continue to feel like there's a sense of family. And whether that sense of family is being together in a romantic partnership,

You are in a partnership based on the fact that you still have children together, and you're going to have grandchildren together potentially. So, making it work, not allowing that discomfort to be there, letting go of your bitterness, resentment, and angry feelings, is only going to make you feel better on a daily basis. So again, the other woman or the other man, make friends with them. I know.

You're listening to this, being like, okay, that's easy for you to say, but I'm telling you, you have a responsibility to try, okay? And it's going to be what's best for your kids. And setting the stage on how you want your extended family to interact with your soon-to-be ex or your ex, that's on you to set that stage. You can turn around and tell your family, I want you to continue to have a relationship with X, Y, and Z.

I would like for you to embrace them as somebody who's always going to be part of your family. On my extended family mobile, we have all these different generations. We have all these pieces of a puzzle, and each puzzle piece is somebody else in our family. And my father, who divorced my mother back in one of the top generations, is still on there.

There are 75 of us now, but those spouses who divorced are still on that family tree. And you know why? It's because they produced beautiful children, and those beautiful children are still obviously in our family. And so they should see that those people who produce them are still in the family. So I'm going to sign off.

Tania Leichliter from Better Than Bitter. Again, we build pathways to more amicable resolutions. Come and join us for one of our support group sessions. We also have an incredible five-step game plan course that can get you towards a more amicable resolution. And if you need one-to-one coaching, we are there to support you along the way. So again, thank you for joining

You can find us on YouTube at betterthanbitter.coach. You can find us at betterthanbitter.coach online. And subscribe to our podcast so you can hear the next drop of the next podcast recording.

Tania Leichliter (: 11:48

Thanks for tuning in to Better Than Bitter, navigating an amicable divorce. Whether you are at the beginning of your divorce journey, midway through, or even done, we want the stories from our guests to give you hope that an amicable resolution is possible. If you'd like to dive deeper into today's episode, check out our show notes for a full transcript, reflections, and links to learn more about Better Than Bitter's coaching courses,

and how to connect with our fabulous guests. If you're ready for more support, you can head over to betterthanbitter.coach. Daily, you'll find details and additional information on our five-step game plan multimedia course, our one-to-one Zoom coaching, group coaching, monthly memberships, events and retreats, and a whole lot more. Plus, we've got a ton of free resources, like our monthly newsletter,

our private Facebook group, Instagram channel, and a library of articles and free webinars to help you along the way. When you go to our website, you'll be able to schedule a free 45 minute breakthrough call. Remember, we're here to help you reach an amicable resolution. Find your courage and believe in your brighter future because you know what? It is possible.

At Better Than Bitter, we measure success by what we give and not by what we get. So let's change the divorce dialogue together. It's time to be better than bitter.