Introduction (: 00:06

Welcome to the Better Than Bitter Divorce Podcast, where we flip the script on divorce and show you how to have a more amicable divorce resolution. I'm your host, Tania Leichliter a divorce coach, a certified life coach, and the mastermind behind the Better Than Bitter five-step game plan course, where I help individuals build a pathway towards a more amicable divorce resolution.

Each week, I'll bring you uplifting stories from people who've successfully experienced amicable separations, proving that divorce doesn't have to be a battleground. Whether you're overwhelmed with grief, struggling with custody and co-parenting, or just dealing with a high-conflict individual, this podcast is here to guide you towards reclaiming your life and being what I know is possible, better than bitter.

Tania Leichliter (: 01:18

Welcome to episode number 45 of the Better Than Bitter podcast. Today, I am not having a guest on. It is all going to be about Bring it on. That is the subject we're going to be talking about today. I just wanted to let everybody know a little bit more about my own personal story. You know, I think that so many of us who are getting divorced or are contemplating divorce

You know, go through this time period where you really feel like, what was me? Like, this is all happening to me. How could this be happening to me? And you go through this time period where you become a victim, where you point fingers back, where you blame the other person in your marriage for how you're feeling. And you become completely, I would say, like I said, a victim, a victim of your own circumstance.

And when I say bring it on, it's because you need to come forward with this attitude where you believe in yourself. You believe that you can take this on, that you are going to be OK. And although you may be going through this grieving process and you are struggling, whether it's sadness or depression, or maybe you are just still in shock and disbelief,

Maybe you're angry, maybe you're resentful. You all of these stages of grief are real. And I know that it is so hard sometimes to get yourself out of the clouds, to peer over those clouds, to see blue skies ahead. And it is just so important for you to believe that you can take this on, that you are going to be okay. And in my own personal story,

You know, not only, you know, was I faced with divorce, but there was a series of other things that were happening in my life right at the same time when I was faced with divorce. And I wanted to share some of those to show you how, with the right attitude, with the right mindset, that you can take on anything. So I was in a job transition when I was faced with divorce. I had been kind of soul-searching for a while, meaning that I was working with a life coach.

ears and was acquired back in: 2019

be part of a bigger ad agency. And over the course of the first year and a half of that ad agency business, I was learning, I was growing, it was exciting, I was collaborating with new people. I was feeling so invigorated. And then COVID happened, and the business really shifted, and they put me in a new role. And in that new role,

just didn't have a lot of ownership. And after coming from a place where I was running a company, to not have a lot of ownership in the new company that acquired me, I just felt like a worker bee at that point. And I no longer felt excited about the work I was doing. So I did start working with a life coach during that time and began to really realize how I had just lost so much of my authentic self in that

process, not only just in my marriage, but also, you know, in this work process, because I was so invigorated and I had so much identity wrapped up in what I did for a living. And so in that process, I decided, well, like, maybe I should go and get certified to be a life coach. I've obviously done a lot of work.

around coaching individuals. ran a health and wellness business before I ran my ad agency. So, really being able to work with people, to coach people, to be solutions-oriented, to be able to motivate people as a leader, as a business leader, was always something that got me excited. But what had happened in this process,

I started doing some networking, and I had an incredible job opportunity that was in front of me with a previous client of my old ad agency business. So I geared up to take on this new role. And not only did I gear up to take on the new role, but I told my current employer that I was looking to make this change. And we had set some deadlines based on when I believed that the new job was going to become available.

Well, again, this was all happening all at once. So I was faced with divorce. I had this new job that was hopefully in my future. I had already communicated to my own old employer that this was all going to happen. And all of a sudden, I realized that, my gosh, like this is a lot of change that's going to happen all at once.

I was faced with divorce; I was getting divorced. I thought I was gonna have this new job, and I left my previous employer. But then what happened was that the job that I thought I had, that funding ended up not coming through. So I was getting divorced, not having a job. I had gotten certified to be a life coach.

So I definitely knew I had this new skill set, and I had to take this on all at once. I had to communicate to the kids, and my now ex had to communicate that we were getting divorced. I needed to figure out how I was gonna make a living. I needed to make all these changes and get ourselves into a mediation environment where we could begin discussing.

the divorce, but again, so many unknowns. And what did I do in that moment? I could have curled up in a ball and literally not gotten out of bed. I could have cried. I could have blamed my soon-to-be ex for the situation that I was in. I could have completely stopped functioning. But instead, I put my head down and said,

I've got this, okay? I can rub two sticks together, try to make a living. I know how to start businesses. I know how to be successful in business. I had already started two businesses that were successful. I had worked for startups that were not my own, but as part of a leadership team, I knew how to make things happen. And even if you do not know how to make things happen,

You can learn how to make things happen with us at Better Than Bitter. I can help you build that courage that you need to be able to say, Bring it on. I've got this. I'm going to stop blaming other people for how I feel. I'm going to take responsibility for the things I can control and not take responsibility for the things that I can't control. I'm going to continue to move my life forward as a victor.

not a victim and a victor, meaning that I'm going to take accountability, ownership, and responsibility for the things that I can. And I'm going to stop blaming. I am going to stop making excuses, and I am going to stop. All of that horrible victim mentality that brings so many people down. OK, so.

That is what I want to tell you today. I want to tell you to say to yourself every morning, right now, Bring it on. I've got this. I'm going to put my head down. I'm going to get shit done. And I am going to have an amicable relationship with my soon-to-be ex because you know what? You have the power to make that decision. There were a thousand reasons why I

could have had a tumultuous divorce. And I chose not to. I chose to put my kids first. I chose to nest so my kids didn't have to go back and forth. I chose to have a more amicable divorce relationship with my now ex-husband. I have chosen to share holidays. I have chosen, again, to make these choices in my life so I don't carry the burden of resentment and anger.

Because you know what? If you do hold on to that resentment and anger, the only person who is going to suffer is you and your children. So what you need to be working on right now is getting to a place of forgiveness, not an act of forgiveness of something that was done in your marriage, or an act of forgiveness that maybe you feel alone at this point. But again,

Being alone and being lonely are two different things. You need to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to release that anger and resentment. You need to reach that place of acceptance so you can move your life forward without that bitterness. Because the only way you are truly going to be happy and the only way that you can truly be happy is if you let it go.

Let it go and say, bring it on. Put one foot in front of the other. We do a lot at Better Than Bitter around goals. What am I going to do to set myself up for the future? What are the results that I want in my life? What is the outcome that I want in my life? And how do I need to show up? How do I need to act, react, and behave in order to achieve those results?

And those reactions, those actions, behaviors that are going to get you those results, well, it is important that the way that you feel in that moment is going to give you those actions, reactions, and behaviors. And if you have thoughts that you are not going to be able to do this, if you have thoughts that you are blaming somebody else for the way you're currently feeling, if you have thoughts that the fact that you are getting divorced

that you're not going to be able to survive, or your kids are going to be ruined forever. Those are all your thoughts. And those thoughts are creating feelings that are creating those actions, reactions, and behaviors that are getting you those results in your life. So again, stop blaming that life circumstance on the way that you feel. It's what you think about that makes you feel about that circumstance. So put your head down.

I want you to wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say, Bring it on. I've got this. You've got this. I know you do. Like I said, there couldn't have been anything else that could have gone wrong in my process. Not only that, with the job transition and the getting faced with divorce, but once we had an agreement in place and I took over the house and that house became mine,

Well, what I had not done was an inspection before I took on that house. And you know, I also didn't set up for any deferred meetings that might have happened. And over the course of the last year, my heater went, my air conditioning went, my septic failed, and my water heater went. I can't tell you the things that happened over the last year. And instead of just saying, Woe is me, I've just had to keep

pushing forward, getting it done, taking care of it, financing what I could, and you can do that too. There is always a solution if you focus on the solution and not on the problem. So again, get it done, bring it on, be solutions-oriented, stop blaming other people for what's happening in your life, and you can get to the finish line.

I closed on my house yesterday. I've turned the page to a new chapter. I've got both kids heading off to college. I'm starting a new life, a new chapter. I'm excited for where I am today. And I want all of you to know that a brighter future is in your future if you believe it is.

Signing off, this is Tania from Better Than Bitter. betterthanbitter.coach. Come and join our support group. Our group is great, so empowering. Take our five-step game plan course. And if you need some one-to-one coaching, I'm always there for you in that capacity with that level of support. Again, signing off. Cheers to all of you. Bring it on.

Tania Leichliter (: 14:36

Thanks for tuning in to Better Than Bitter, navigating an amicable divorce. Whether you are at the beginning of your divorce journey, midway through, or even done, we want the stories from our guests to give you hope that an amicable resolution is possible. If you'd like to dive deeper into today's episode, check out our show notes for a full transcript, reflections, and links to learn more about Better Than Bitter's coaching courses,

and how to connect with our fabulous guests. If you're ready for more support, you can head over to betterthanbitter.coach. Daily, you'll find details and additional information on our five-step game plan multimedia course, our one-to-one Zoom coaching, group coaching, monthly memberships, events and retreats, and a whole lot more. Plus, we've got a ton of free resources, like our monthly newsletter,

our private Facebook group, Instagram channel, and a library of articles and free webinars to help you along the way. When you go to our website, you'll be able to schedule a free 45-minute breakthrough call. Remember, we're here to help you reach an amicable resolution. Find your courage and believe in your brighter future because you know what? It is possible.

At Better Than Bitter, we measure success by what we give and not by what we get. So let's change the divorce dialogue together. It's time to be better than bitter.